Two cousins, Vern and Johnny Petrik, had some hearty belly laughs as they witnessed Fred Masek's experience with the family wash machine.

This experience occurred at the Masek farm prior to the arrival of the REA and electrical power in 1948. The Maseks had a round wooden wedged tub with a handle on it to power the washing process. Movement of the handle was by human power. The handle as it was being moved turned a wooden four-prong spindle which splashed the clothes around in the tub of water.

Somewhere a Briggs and Stratton gas-powered motor reached the farm. Fred figured it was time to move into the 20th Century with a "modern" washing facility. Fred started the motor and extended belts to pulleys. At last, the machine was operating under gas power.

However, it was too much power. The wooden tub started to rock, the machine was bouncing all over the porch and water was spilling out the top. Fred didn't realize the danger beset by his new modern contraption. But his mother did.

She arrived from the kitchen and shouted, "What are you boys doing? Stop it! Stop it! You will ruin the machine."

So, it was back to hand-powered machine washing. Eventually, however, a washing machine operated by electrical power, reached the Masek farm.

* * *

When they were still in their 20s or early 30s, Fred Masek and friends, John Donahoe, Del Popkes, and Lyle Wrage decided to travel to Lake Okoboji for the 4th of July celebration.

After doing their share of carousing in the crowds, they decided to look for a place to eat the evening meal. They stopped at a restaurant in nearby Milford, Iowa.

While the cafe appeared suitable only one person was on duty, the apparent owner. He was the cook, waiter, and cashier and undoubtedly the cleanup man at closing time.

As the four men observed the menu, one asked, "How is the roast beef?" The reply came in a strong Jewish accent: "It is the best-tha roast-a beef in town." That sounded convincing. At least the order was placed for three roast beef dinners and one steak.

When the orders arrived it might have been one of the better steaks in town but certainly not "the best-tha roast-a beef in town."

The roast beef was swill scraped from the bottom of the pan. Each plate included fat, trim, tallow, and gristle, but only one microscopic-size portion of beef. The three ordering the beef stuck to the potatoes and veggies on their plate and avoided the "best-tha roast-a beef." They figured it wouldn't do any good to complain.

Fred and John have remained close friends and practically every week one of them has brought up the "best-tha roast-a beef in town" story. It is a story that has never gone away.

* * *

As a mailman, Fred has found that some people haven't always been dressed to face the world as he made deliveries.

In one case, there was too much mail for the box. Fred opened the screen door and began heaving mail onto the porch floor. As he closed the door it sounded with a bang. It might have been the signal a woman in the house was waiting for. The delivery must be complete.

She stepped out of the house onto the porch to retrieve her mail. However, Fred glanced into his bag and spotted two more magazines for the residence. He opened the screen door again and at the same time shot a glance at the woman who had entered. What a shot or shock it was. The woman was wearing nothing. Everything bare was showing. Nothing was hidden.

As glances were exchanged, the woman slowly retreated backwards into the house. She said nothing. Fred didn't know what to say but finally remarked "Good morning."

* * *

Many of the amusing episodes involving Dick and Brian Masek were recorded in annual Christmas newsletters. These were some of the excerpts from experiences when Dick and Brian were at the elementary school level or younger:

Brian reported to his brother that the teacher had given him a job as a helper. He said that his job was "room picker upper." Dick asked him, "How do you like it?" Brian responded that he would rather have the job of "office carrier over."

Brian: "I'm not sleepy. I just can't keep my eyes open"

The October page of the calendar kept flipping down when December arrived. Dick remarked "Leave it there Dad. That way I'll get two Halloweens."

Brian: "I won't believe there is a Rudolph unless I can leave Santa a camera to take a picture of him Christmas Eve."

At a Toastmasters Christmas party, Santa handed Brian a gift and asked, "Have you been a good boy all year?" In the audience of children his older brother spoke up, "Yeah."

Dad and Dick were walking down the street enroute to an open house at a political campaign headquarters. Dick was told there would be a table filled with food and to watch his manners. Dick turned to his Dad and remarked, "That's alright Dad. If I get lost you'll find me near the cookies."

* * *

Fred and Dick have cooperated in sharing jokes they obtain from many sources. Fred in turn retells the jokes to some mail patrons and friends. During a vacation trip to Florida Fred became acquainted with the Vent column, packed with wit and satire, in the Atlanta Journal. It was learned that the Vent material also appears on the Internet. Dick has been picking up the copy on his computer and mailing it to his Dad. Fred selects the best items and makes copies for a few friends. The following are excerpts from the Vent:

I had a woman telling me that I looked like her fourth husband. I asked her how many times she had been married. She said three.

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages.

I told my wife I was going on a weekend fishing trip and to please pack my pajamas. When I returned home, I said, "Your forgot to pack my pajamas." She said, "No, I didn't. I put them in the tackle box."

A friend of mine heard the preacher say there were 726 different kinds of sin. He went up after the sermon and asked for the list.

It is hard to be a leader these days--you don't know if people are following you or chasing you.

The reason wrestling is not written up in the sports page is that no one who watches it can read or write.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all the evidence that you ever tried.

I stayed up all last night wondering why the sun went down. This morning it dawned on me.

I only remember half of what I hear. I have Halfheimer's disease.

When you're up to your armpits in alligators, it's hard to remember you came to drain the swamp.

If you try to do something and fail, you are better off then someone who tried to do nothing and succeeded.

My boss and I have an agreement: I only work enough to keep him from firing me, and he pays me only enough to keep me from leaving.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

What is the point of swearing to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, when the reason you're there is because someone else is lying.

Tell a man there are 400 billion stars and he will believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

The greatest thing before sliced bread was a sharp knife.

The penalty for bigamy is two wives? No, the penalty for bigamy is two mothers-in-law.

I can't decide if my main fault is procrastination or indecisiveness. Well, I'll worry about that later.

Two wrongs don't make a right. But two Wrights do make an airplane.

I thought that it was pretty cool when I married Miss Wright; that is until I found out that her first name was Always!

You know you are old when everyone listed on the obituary page was younger.

My boss hates "yes" men and I have to agree with him.

My fiancee broke up with me. She left the ring in the bathtub.

I just read where someone was shot in the driveway. What part of the body is that?

I finally got it together. Then I forgot where I put it.

Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.